i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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