dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
