if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
