why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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