We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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