Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
