when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm really busy with my period
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