My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
