I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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