I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
