I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
