I didn't shave. On purpose
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
