Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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