I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
