booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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