I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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