I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
