you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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