so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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