i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
