I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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