You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
