Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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