Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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