Screwed.edu
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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