Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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