I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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