I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
