is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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