Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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