I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
