I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
