I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
What drink are we having for lunch?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
