guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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