She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I touched a dick in church today
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
