So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How drunk are you?
Completed.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
