stop calling my apartment porn island.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
