dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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