The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
