I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He? As in you personified your dick?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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