No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
