I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
