Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
