please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
