i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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