wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
