He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
