You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
