At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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