you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
