Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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