Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
