i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
