I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
