No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
