At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I fill condoms, not promises.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
