The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
