my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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