Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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