He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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