My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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